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Moki

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Moki

December 20th, 1995 - October 24th, 2012

Age: 17

My baby, my sweet sweet baby passed away last night at 9:20pm. He lived just a bit longer just to say goodbye to me....I know it....I can't stop crying. My eyes keep tearing even when I'm trying not to cry.

Moki had bad teeth, he never chewed bones or let us brush them for him. He was one who wouldn't cry when he was in pain, he was very humble and never knew there was something wrong with him up front. No whimpers or sneezes. About a year ago, we took him for a check up and said that he should have surgery to get them fixed. They told me there would be big risk of him dying while he was under. I didn't want that. I wouldn't live with myself if he died under the needle. They said he'd only live for a month if we didn't. Moki, you're such a trooper. He fought it off with medicines and lived a year and a half later. He was running around, playing, cuddling, being perfectly fine.

Then two weeks ago, he started wearing out. It was harder for him to walk and he kept sneezing, in multiple spasms of seven or eight. We took him back and they said he had an infection in his nose. It was caused by his teeth. We gave him medicine, seeing as it worked the first time but then the other day he could barely walk, as if he was a puppet. He would stand in the same spot for long periods of time or until we moved him. I could just tell...something was really wrong...

Then....he just wouldn't get up. He was breathing but couldn't move. We took him to the hospital and the vet said "he was fading fast, he was dying then and there". The medicine didn't work.....the infection spread to his spinal liquid causing him to be unconscious from then on. The doctor said they could do a crucial surgery but it would be a waste of money for me since they knew they'd have a deceased patient by morning. I didn't want to see him in pain anymore. They asked if we should give him the shot. There was nothing I could do.....My mom, sister and I held him one last time......they gave him the shot on his leg. He didn't even flinch....thats when I knew this was it, he wasn't fighting anymore. He was gone....I paid to get him cremated so that my mother can keep him...

I don't know how to feel right now....I know he was old and it was bound to happen sooner than later but thats what makes it hurt even more. Not everyone can say they grew up with their dog. I was six when I got him. A little fluff as big as my palm. I'm 23 now, not just anyone can say their dog lived till 17, almost 18 by 2 months. My little trooper. He has been there for me more than any person i know. I can just look at him and all my cares would vanish. I remember holding him during the Northridge earthquake. Holding him close under a chair. I remember when I first got him, he was the runt of the litter, when I named him and cuddled with him on the couch our first night together. When he was hit by a car and I almost got hit myself trying to save him. Even after that, he only had a sprained leg. He was indestructible. He's always been there, he was the glue to our family, he was our happiness during all our tragic and hard times. 

I really don't know what to do now....I didn't go in to work today....I couldn't it was too much for me to handle. I knew people would say "aw, thats too bad, he was a good old dog, it was gonna happen." People just don't know how much this DOG means to me. I'd give up my drawing arm for this dog....He was my baby, my sibling, one of the best. THE best. He's really impacted my life with his presence and no one will ever take that away from me. 

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Here's our last picture of us together....about a week ago before he got sick. I didn't want to take a picture with him on the table. No. I wanted this to be my last memory of him. Just look at him, he looked pretty damn good for 17 and a half. People would mistake him for a puppy. He had the softest bunny fur in the world. It wasn't crunchy or hard. So soft.....siiigh, this happened so fast, in the course of 20 minutes. Then he's gone, I won't see him when I wake up tomorrow.....When I finally thought things were going my way...something like this comes around and punches me in the face....I don't know what to do or feel....I can't believe he's gone....this will be one of the hardest things to get over....right now I just feel so numb, my heart hurts....
 I'll need lots of time to heal with this one....

My baby...I love you more than anything. You'll never have to be in pain again.....I'll cherish you always....

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Comments

I am so so sorry Tara.. :(
I am sure there were so many "what ifs" involved with what could happen during the possible treatment if you had gone through with it a year ago. It's very apparent that you cared a lot about Moki and treated him with so much love. It's always upsetting losing a pet you've had for over a decade, almost two now - I remember being completely bedridden for two weeks when I lost my bird a few years back. It seems like so long ago now.. I still think about him all the time though, and I'm pretty positive you'll never forget about this pooch and all the good times you guys had together. <3

Also, I'm not a huge fan of small dogs but he is adorable and looks SO soft. ;_;
I'm sorry for your loss hun... *huggles tight* I'm sure Moki will folow you around in his spirit form and you'll see him again later! <3
Pets have a way of leaving a life lasting impression on us. For me, they are not just animals, but my children. I'm very sorry for your loss....*hugs*
I'm sorry for your loss. The love you felt for him really comes through in this post. <3
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, you clearly loved him very much and he had a great, loving life with you. My thoughts are with you right now.